“Reckon ah’m in t’ bad book wi our Paula” ‘e says glumly.
“Why? Wot’s tha done nah like – left t’ cap o’ t’ toothpaste ooer wet bed?”, ah says tryin’ ter cheer ‘im up.
“She’s not talkin’ ter me.” ‘e says, wi aat crackin’ a smile.
“Champion!” ah says, “Tha’s achieved wot many 'usbands ‘ave been strivin’ fer since time began!”
“Yesterday she went off f’ a day o’ pamperin’ an’ beauty treatment in York,” ‘e continued, “which ter me is aal a waste o’ us ‘ard earned brass like - but it keeps ‘er ‘appy, so ah daren’t complain. Onnyroad, ah thowatt ter me sen, ‘eres a chance ter earn a few extra braanie points by cookin' ‘er a nice dinner f’ wen she got ‘ome.”
“Soft bugger !” ah says.
“Aye!” ‘e says. “In fact ah decided ter try an’ recapture t’ time we ‘ad a reight romantic meal in Paris on us honeymoon, by makin’ ‘er a tourte à la bière et au boeuf avec pommes frites!”
“A wot?” ah says.
“Beef an’ ale pie wi oven ready chips!” ‘e says.
“Oh… reight” ah says, “an’ they say romance is dead!”
“Appen” ‘e says. “Well ah med t’ pie wi me own fair ‘ands, laid t’ table wi us best dooberies an’ lace table cloth, lit sum candles, even splashed aat on a bottle o’ Beaujolais ter wash it aal daan.
Wen Paula cum ‘ome she wer’ bleedin’ gobsmacked - an wen she tasted mi pie, she said it wer’ even better than t’ one we’d ‘ad in Paris! She not only ate it aal, she damn near licked t' pattern off 'er plate. Naturally, ah wer’ reight chuffed!
Course Paula bein’ Paula, she then wanted ter know wot ah’d put in it ter mek it taste so delicious!? So ‘appen I ‘ad t’ confess that t’ basic ingredients wer’ aat o’ a can. Well she didn’t believe me, so ah showed ‘er t’ tin o' "Butchers' Best Beef In Real Gravy". T’ look on her face wer’ priceless. She wer’ quite speechless.
Funny thing though, ah still can’t understand why it ‘as a picture o’ a dog on it?”
No comments:
Post a Comment