Tha Dunt See That Ivvry Day!

Last week, ah did a reight rare thing, an’ went aat ter a posh new restaurant wi mi mate Joe Sykes an’ ‘is missus, Paula! It wer’t’ fust time we’d bin aat t’gether since she’d welped.

Whilst theyer, ah cudn’t ‘elp notice that t’ bloke wot served us, ’ad a spoon in ‘is shirt pocket. F’ a second, ah thowatt t’ me sen, “That’s a tad strange like?” Then dismissed t’ thowatt again instantly. But when t’ waiter brung over our watter an’ dooberies, ah noticed ‘e ‘ad a spoon in ‘is shirt pocket an aal. Then, as ah looked araand, ah saw that aal t’ staff ’ad spoons in theyer pockets.

When t’ waiter cum back wi our soup, ah says, "What’s wi aal t’ spoons in tha shirt pockets? Did tha get a job lot daan t’ market?

Well," ‘e says, "t’ restaurant's owners hired a consultant t’ revamp aal our processes. Atter several months o’ study, ‘e concluded that t’ spoon is t’ most frequently dropped utensil. An’ on average, like, araand three spoons get dropped per table per hour. If us staff are better prepared like, we can reduce t’ number o’ trips back ter t’ kitchen an’ save abaat 15 man-hours per shift."

“Well ah’ll go ter t’ foot o’ our stairs!”, ah said.

As luck wud ‘ave it, ah dropped mi spoon an’ ‘e wer able t’ replace it wi ‘is spare. "Ah'll get another spoon next time ah go ter t’ kitchen instead o’ leggin’ it theyer reight nah", e’ says. Ah ‘ave ter admit ah wer’ impressed.

Then aal o’ a sudden like, Paula started giggling. Joe an me jus’ looked at ‘er as if ter say “Wot the …..?

“Look” she says, “t’ waiter ‘as a small piece o’ string ‘anging aat o’ ‘is fly.”

“An ‘e’s not t’only one!” says Joe. “Tha dunt see that ivvry day!”

Lookin’ araand, ah realised that aal t’ waiters ‘ad t’ same small pieces o’ string hanging fra theyer flies. So afore ‘e walked off, ah asked our t’ waiter, abaat it.

"Excuse me”, ah says, “but can tha tell me why tha has that string reight… there?"

"Yes sir!" ‘e says, lowerin’ ‘is voice. "Thankfully not everyone is as observant as thee! That consulting firm ah mentioned, aalso faand aat that we can save time in t’ loos an aal. By tying these ‘ere strings ter t’ tip o’ us know wots, we can pull ‘em aat wi aat touchin’ ‘em an’ eliminate t’ need ter wash us hands, shortening t’ time spent in t’ bogs by 76.39%."

"Well ah never!” ah says.

Then thinking on me feet, ah ask, “After tha gets it aat, ‘ow does tha put it back?"

“Well", ‘e whispered, "I dun't know abaat t’others, but ah use t’ spoon."